dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
