Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
