her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
