Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
