just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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