need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
