why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
