Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
