I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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