She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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