i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
