last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
