dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
