Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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