Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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