Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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