Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
