Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
