so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
