I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
