I cockslap morals
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
