my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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