things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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