Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I want is dick and wine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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