Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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