god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
