Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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