The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
