your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
