so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize