**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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