Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
