What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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