either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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