Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
