That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
