the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
