nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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