maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
