first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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