hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
