on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
