Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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