you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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