Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
