His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
