My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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