Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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