One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
