plz talk dirty to me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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