and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
