I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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