This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
