I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize