im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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