I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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