Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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