I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
