He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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