Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
