If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
