Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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