i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
