Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
