Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize